This year is different. Do I feel pride? If you’ve been here a while you will know that I am quite vocal on social media specifically at this time of the year. The time of year where every corporation claims they are supporting the LGBTQ+ community in fact they are wanting to capitalise on it by putting a rainbow on their products and making some money by exploiting the real reason for pride. This year I've been asking myself do I feel pride and if so why am I not shouting about it? If you want a short answer which I'm sure you do most of my life I do not feel pride. Ultimately I am not where I want to be and I would be lying if I believed that I was. Of course everyone has good moments and its in those moments you appreciate the good feelings.
You know transgender people get a rough time and thats why I think jokes from people such as Ricky Gervais aren’t cool. He claims its to push boundaries and everyone is so sensitive… I don’t mean to be rude Ricky but if every time you look in the mirror you pray and hope you would be someone else you probably would have the same reaction.
So why don’t I feel pride? That's honestly a great question.. Every time I open my mouth to talk I feel insanely insecure because I am so conscious that if I say my name is Megan my voice won’t match. Every single time. Every time I look in the mirror and I see stray facial hair that I missed that morning because I couldn’t go outside because my face wasn’t smooth enough or I couldn’t stop noticing it. Every day this happens. Every time I shop in the section I want to shop in im on edge and every time I go to the toilet I am scared of doing the wrong thing that might show me as being transgender. Every single time. So no Ricky im not going to assault anyone and so stop putting out anti-trans propaganda which ultimately only makes it worse for the people who are already scared to do what everyone takes for granted.
Do not get me wrong I am super proud of how far I’ve come but I am one of the lucky ones. Most of my reaction to the closest people around me has been hugely supportive and for that im so grateful. I am lucky that I never went to conversion therapy because thats still legal.. F*ck you Boris and anyone who votes for that party. I genuinely mean that. Im sorry but if it was converting you from being straight to gay it would be banned in an instant. It is so hard to feel pride in yourself when you hate yourself on a daily basis.
That is why pride month is important however. You need to celebrate you being yourself and allowing you to make the change for the better. I am proud that this pride month I am completely out and true to myself for the first time in my life. I have people that love and accept me for me and thats what I cling onto.. Maybe sometimes too much. I am me and I will not change that because I know within myself that going back is the wrong decision. So if you’re reading this and you do not feel pride within yourself, you should. You are here, you are amazing and you are being yourself. That is so important.
